5 days ago7 min read

Supporting Children with Self-Regulation: Tools, Resources, and Personal Experiences

Updated: 4 days ago

We are constantly moving throughout the day, and some people require more movement than others to stay regulated. The type of movement we seek can depend on the situation and our emotions. By exploring different movement options and recognizing how they make us feel, we can better understand what we need to do in various situations to help us regulate.

Understanding Self-Regulation and Co-regulation

Self-regulation is the ability to effectively manage one's emotions and behaviors. While this concept may seem simple, developing self-regulation can be quite complex. Children learn this skill over time, influenced by their environment and the guidance of caring adults. Co-regulation occurs when adults assist children or others in learning self-regulation by being present, validating emotions, and modeling appropriate self-regulatory behaviors. There is much more to explore on this topic, but I would like to focus on some tools and strategies.

Children in a bright classroom draw on paper with markers. They look focused and are using arts and crafts materials.

It's important to expose ourselves to various movement options outside of challenging moments; this exposure helps us make informed choices when we need to. Movement can take many forms, such as exercising, going for a run, doing push-ups or jumping jacks, participating in gymnastics, martial arts, dance, or swim classes. Regular movement helps maintain a healthy weight, strengthens muscles, and improves cardiovascular health.

Physical activity increases blood flow to the brain and releases endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin, which enhance mood and cognitive function. Whether it's a brisk walk or a dance class, moving your body can help clear mental fog and boost creativity. Engaging in regular movement also serves as a natural stress reliever, providing an outlet for releasing pent-up energy and tension, which allows us to process emotions more effectively.

Activities like yoga or tai chi combine movement with mindfulness, offering a holistic approach to managing stress and anxiety. Participating in group activities or team sports fosters connections with others, nurturing our social well-being. These interactions can create a sense of community, reducing feelings of isolation and promoting mental health.

Children meditating on blue mats in a serene gym. They sit cross-legged with eyes closed, wearing colorful shirts and shorts.

While we often associate movement with exercise, we also engage in various forms of movement throughout the day. For example, as I type this, I find myself tapping my toes, biting my cheek (a bad unconscious habit I need to replace), drinking coffee, stretching, fidgeting with my rings, and shifting in my chair. These actions help me maintain focus and keep myself regulated in the moment.

Finding Focus: Navigating Fidgeting and Boredom

Imagine it's dinner time, and your family is seated at the table. Your 6-year-old starts off strong, eating well, but then you notice they begin to shift in their seat, pick at their fingers, play with their cup, and eventually stand up. When you request that they sit down, they comply but then look for something on the table to fidget with. They start tearing up a paper towel, spinning their fork, picking at a water spot, and rolling a pea. Though they are sitting, they cannot seem to stay still. This behavior can be distracting and even frustrating.

You might think that at age 6, they should be able to sit still during dinner. When you ask what's going on, they express that they are bored or feel fidgety and need to do something. Realizing they cannot just sit still, you understand that they want to behave appropriately but struggle to stay regulated in that manner.

It's time to brainstorm and explore different tools to replace disruptive behaviors with alternatives that everyone can accept, while also meeting your 6-year-old's needs. You might consider using alternative seating options, such as a wobble seat, or implementing a chair band. Be careful not to introduce too many changes at once, as this can be overwhelming and may lead to increased distractions.

A wooden chair with a blue balance cushion on the seat, set indoors. An elastic band is stretched across the chair legs.

See bottom of post for links to these.

The Impact of Scent and Touch

Some people find that certain scents, textures, or pressure can help them center and self-regulate. One of my daughters and I find that mint is a calming scent. We keep a peppermint essential oil in our van and put a dot or two on a stuffy or the headrest if car sickness or feelings of anxiety arise. Like many people, we also find that lavender is also calming. The feeling of pressure from applying lotion or a weighted blanket or weighted stuffy can be soothing. If you like particular scents and pressure try applying lotion in that scent using deeper pressure. You can also put a few drops of essential oil on a weighted stuffy and hold that or on a weighted blanket.

Plush dog toy with a striped scarf next to three lotion bottles on a pink quilt. Labels read: "Stress Relief," "Beach Plum," "Sleep."

Weighted blanket

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07N448CKG/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1

Aromatherapy Sleep

Aromatherapy Stress Relief

Beach Plum Farm Scents

Weighted Stuffy

Not pictured, but we love peppermint essential oil

Bean bag chair

The sensation of cold can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which often induces a sense of calm. Personally, I have found that running my wrists under cold water, applying an ice pack to my wrists, chest, or the area behind my ears, or placing a wet cloth on the back of my neck or face can help me feel better during a panic attack. Additionally, eating something sour can also be very effective in snapping my brain out of a negative cycle!

Four round gel packs in red, yellow, purple, and green are lined up on a wooden surface. Each pack has dotted patterns.

Ice packs

These are great and my kids like to fidget with them too. Caution though as they can break open.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09JS4XFDZ/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1

Not Just Arts and Crafts

We have a cart dedicated to arts, crafts, journaling, and creativity, located in a common area. Our kids are welcome to use anything in it pretty much at any time. After a long day at school or during quiet moments in between activities, I often hear the drawers opening, papers shuffling, and magic happening. My children find so much joy and calm in creating. It’s interesting to see how they gravitate toward different types of activities depending on their mood. Sometimes they prefer to color a coloring page or work on a color-by-number, while other times they want to draw and create something entirely of their own. My oldest child also loves to write. There are times when expressing herself verbally doesn’t feel right, and she prefers to write her thoughts down for us to read. This often helps guide our conversations. I’ve found that having these materials readily available is a huge benefit. Sometimes, they might not be in a position to ask for these items, but they can easily walk over and get them on their own.

Drawers

We also have this size in rainbow and a few in the single side.

https://www.michaels.com/product/clear-12-drawer-rolling-cart-by-simply-tidy-10659416

Toolbelt

Imagine wearing a toolbelt around your waist filled with tools for self-regulation. As you learn new strategies, add them to your toolbelt and label them for specific scenarios where they can be used. Experiment with the tools you have available; you might discover that some tools serve multiple purposes, acting as self-regulation multitools. This visual can be particularly effective with kids. You can use a prompt like, “Hey, you seem frustrated. What do you have in your toolbelt to help with this?” It’s best to introduce these strategies while in a calm and regulated state. Role-playing how to use them will make it more natural to apply those strategies when the time comes.

Allow yourself and your family or students some grace. A tool might work effectively for a time and then either fade in usefulness or stop working altogether. At times, the item may no longer be needed (hooray!), while in other cases, it simply may not offer the same self-regulatory benefits as it once did, signaling that it’s time to explore new options. Some individuals may find it helpful to rotate different items to prevent stagnation.

The framework of Ingenuity Unlimited emphasizes inclusion and collaboration. If you are facing challenges, please reach out to your school or care team to explore options such as Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy, Behavior Therapy, and more. If you're unsure where to begin, schedule a free consultation today.

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Websites and Apps to Explore

GoNoodle

This is a fun way to get moving and learn! It is used in schools, and we've enjoyed it at home for years too!

https://www.gonoodle.com/

Calm

Other Resources to Explore

The items shown below are all things we have in our home that our children use for play and self-regulation at different times. While there are moments when the tools meant to help can become distractions and undermine their purpose, we are focusing on the positive aspects for now. Keep scrolling for a list with links for these items or items like them.

If you have a valuable resource to share, please leave a comment below!